A Journey to Stillness, Part 5 – The Journey Home
I am home now, sitting here looking out at the trees that surround my house. I live in the forest and am constantly soothed by the presence of the trees. So very different from the red rock I lived among this past month.
So, what did my journey to stillness teach me? One thing that is clear to me is how much I needed that time to just be with me. How much I long for and need time in solitude. And how I must honor that need in my everyday life. I get caught up in living life and forget that my soul needs solitude. My body, my heart long to be listened to. My morning meditation time provides me with that time, certainly, but somehow, I have been missing, or not hearing the longing I have for solitude.
This time alone has shown me that solitude isn’t just time alone, though that nurtures me and soothes me. Solitude for me is an attitude. Solitude is often defined as a form of isolation, or as being apart from everyone. For me, solitude has become a way to feel connected to me. A way for me to come home to me. My journey to stillness became a journey home- home to me.
This time to be with me, to see how easily I will distract myself, how easily I will avoid the question, “What do I want?” I rise to the occasion when life brings distraction.
I come to those distractions with the attitude, “It is what it is”. Not so much with the distractions I bring to myself. So, I get to work with this and find acceptance and healing for myself.
This time alone allowed me to feel myself. To feel my body and to feel the energy that runs through me. I am basically a pretty happy soul. I tend to wake up with a sense of anticipation for the day and what it might bring. I could feel that and value the childlike curiosity I bring to my life. I loved being able to just wander on trails and see where they went with no destination in mind. To experience the energy of each place. To see which places felt nurturing to my body and which places felt more harsh or just not as good to my body. I could feel my body respond to each place and to the people I would meet in my travels. My senses felt heightened and so aware. It felt like I was building energetic memory. I was practicing and building a skill that is so much a part of me and who I am. Such an important reminder to pay attention to what I feel. When I ask what do I want, an important aspect of that question is my energetic sensitivity. Reminding myself to stay open and aware of what I am feeling and what my body needs in response to that need.
Another awareness that became clear to me through this time alone, is my willingness to receive. I realized that all I want and dream for is right here and I either allow myself to receive or I don’t. The choice is always mine. I could sit next to the Virgin River and feel the gentle power of the river, or I could get lost in thought, or what I should or should not do, feel. Planning where I could go next. And miss receiving the gift of the water flowing next to me and allowing it to soothe me. Allowing myself to just be. To be fully present with this moment right now.
I feel gratitude for allowing myself this time. For giving myself the gift of each experience that this journey brought to me. I am sure that as the weeks go by and I am settled back into my life and work, that new insights will arise from my journey. I am grateful for the renewed sense of acceptance that arises in me for myself and the places where I want to bring compassion and healing.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me. Sharing this journey allows me to hear myself and to receive the gifts it brings to me. The most valuable gift we bring to ourselves and to anyone else, is the gift of listening. Thank you for listening and sharing in my journey to stillness.