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So, What Are You Waiting For?

So, What Are You Waiting For?

It’s 3 am, I am sound asleep. Suddenly I am awakened by this loud voice that clearly asks, “So, what are you waiting for”?    I realize that I am not going back to sleep any time soon, so I get up, meditate on the question and realize this is a question that has lived in my heart for a while now.  I so wanted to look at surface questions like, maybe I need to move, or get a new job, or a new relationship?  Yet, this felt like I was being asked to wake up and hear what has been sitting in my heart unacknowledged for a while.

As I felt the question in my body, I realized I have spent much of this life defending and making excuses for this deep sense of joy that has just always lived inside me.  Sounds silly writing it down, admitting it out loud, but there it is none the less.

As I explored the question, I remember that even as a child, I was told many times to “stop acting so silly”, or words to that effect, by my mother.  I was playful, had a great imagination and saw the world so filled with opportunities.  Well, that attitude was totally unacceptable in our household.  I got that message given to me over and over.  As well as being a child who saw colors around people, being basically joyful was just too much for my family.  I became the one who took on the emotional wounding and pain in our family.   As long as I kept quiet, never questioned or told the truth I was acceptable.  As an adult, I adapted to life from this paradigm.  I did what I felt was expected, instead of what was authentically just me.  For the most part, I put my joy away.

Oh, I felt it many times, I just didn’t talk about it.  And I learned that not many people were interested in someone who was joyful.  Life is serious and there are many difficult things in life, don’t you know?  Well, yes, I do/did know.  But so much of me could and does find joy in such simple things.

Living in the forest, I see so many things every day that bring me joy.  My office over looks a beautiful pasture with mountains in the distance.  Every day there are horses, deer, geese, so many birds, that delight me.  I feel so very blessed every day with just the little things in life.  Yet, I hold my joy close.  I have lived with the question for so long, “What right do I have to feel such joy in so much of life”?

I am a firm believer that whatever we resist, will come back to us over and over.  Our very core issues will show up until we can meet them with compassion and a willingness to heal.  Life experience has shown me that my soul will return over and over to what is true inside me. 

In the groups I facilitate, we address these issues.  The ongoing group is certainly addressing their own version of “What are you waiting for”?  I am constantly inspired by the willingness of those who come to The Path of A Spiritual Warrior group.  It takes courage to come to a group willing to learn skills that develop your own intuitive knowing, learn to listen to the signals your body shares with you on a daily basis and learn to take risks that are vulnerable.  

So, what is it that you are waiting for?  Is there some longing that has been sitting in your heart, just waiting for you to acknowledge it?  Our willingness to return to what has been patiently waiting for us brings us inner strength, a deeper sense of peace and yes, joy.  Go ahead.  Answer the question. Take the risk.  You will never be sorry. Of that I am certain.

Blessings to you,

Ann Sheppard

Joy brought forth with moving forward